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A drunk German pilot had to be guided to land by a rescue helicopter after he radioed the control tower to ask where it was 'hiding'. The 65-year-old amateur pilot had allegedly drank beer and wine before taking to the skies above Thuringia in his Cessna light aircraft, reports the Daily Telegraph. Once airborne, he served himself some cocktails while at the controls. Two hours later he was apparently so inebriated that he was unable to read the instruments telling him where the Schoengleida airfield was. "Come on, I know you're down there," he radioed. "Where the bloody hell have you hidden yourself?" Control tower staff say he also sang a few songs, cracked a mother-in-law joke and told them to "pull their fingers out as I've got a party to go to". The tower scrambled a rescue helicopter which homed in on the Cessna 50 miles west of the airport and gave instructions for the pilot to follow it back. Officials at Schoengleida said the pilot, who has not been named, made a safe landing. The man was unsteady on his feet and smelt of alcohol as he wobbled from the cockpit to his parked car. Concerned airfield authorities alerted police. He was stopped on the way home, breathalyzed and found to be nearly four times over the legal limit for driving. Now he has lost his driving license - and his pilot's license. Source
TAMPA - Wikler Moran-Mora texted his wife to say he had been kidnapped and wouldn't be let go until he gave his captors money. His worried wife called law enforcement. He texted her again, saying, "Don't call, take it easy, they said they will let me go," and "Everything is alright, I'll be home soon," a Hillsborough County Sheriff's Office report states. After a full-scale manhunt, deputies tracked him down. Turns out, it was a hoax – Moran-Mora faked his kidnapping so he could cheat on his wife, sheriff's spokesman J.D. Callaway said. The incident began shortly after midnight Wednesday. About 6 a.m. Wednesday, Moran-Mora, 38, of Tampa, was arrested and charged with giving a false report to law enforcement. He has been released on $500 bail. Twenty deputies — including canine units — searched for Moran-Mora on Wednesday morning. Deputies traced Moran-Mora through his cell phone and found him at a 7-Eleven on West Waters Avenue. He told deputies he is a church elder for a Seventh Day Adventist church on Nebraska Avenue and had sent his wife the texts even though he had never been in danger. Moran-Mora declined to comment today other than to say the situation with his wife has been resolved. His wife said she had nothing to do with what happened but confirmed she received text messages from him. Callaway said the search cost $4,000. "Thank God we didn't have a legitimate emergency that would have required those resources," he said. Source
Ever caught short looking for a word for undies? Now there’s no need to get your knickers in a twist. A study has finally got to the bottom of the age-old question: what’s the best word for undies? The rather unscientific study by adventure gift supplier Adrenalin revealed “reg grundies” as Australia’s favourite term for knickers. “Budgie smugglers”, “fart filters”, and “banana hammock” fell behind in the race for the title, but they reportedly had a crack. “Sausage sling,” “wiener warmer,” “fire break”, and “Nut Hut” were favourites amongst the blokes while women went for “bush basket”, “bum floss” and “fundies”. Other more unusual terms included “sausage pouch”, “nut hut”, and “Underpanticus maximus”. Victoria had the not-so-prestigious honour of being the only state to have a term nicknamed after Premier John Brumby. AC/DC also got a mention with “acca daccas” among the final list. Source The Complete List
PENSACOLA, Fla. — Police in Florida say a burglar who made off with a man's valuables returned to the home later and snatched what he couldn't carry on his first trip: a 100-pound plasma-screen TV. A Pensacola Police investigator was on the scene when the robber came back hours after the first burglary. The man who lived at the house, Steve Fluegge, says he was shocked the burglar came back and stole the television. The suspect had already stolen Fluegge's wallet, watch and video game system. Police and K-9 units canvassed the neighborhood, but couldn't find the burglar or the TV. Investigators had left the TV in the backyard, where the burglar put it, so they could dust for fingerprints. Police have offered to pay for the TV. Source
Riverside County sheriff's deputies seized more than 28,000 pounds of marijuana Wednesday after they pulled over a big rig near Temecula in what was described as a routine traffic stop on the freeway, authorities said. Sheriff's spokesman Sgt. Dennis Gutierrez said deputies stopped the 18-wheeler about 9 a.m. for making an illegal lane change on northbound Interstate 15 near the San Diego County Line and the U.S. Border Patrol station. It was unclear why sheriff's deputies were making a traffic stop on the freeway in the unincorporated area south of Temecula or what prompted them to inspect the truck after stopping it. But when they looked inside the trailer, deputies discovered thousands of pounds of barely concealed marijuana in dozens of numbered cardboard bins. The pot was wrapped in 27-pound blocks, Gutierrez said. "This big rig was stuffed -- filled from front to back," he said. By late afternoon, law enforcement officers were still tallying the multimillion-dollar haul at an undisclosed location, but Gutierrez said it is believed to be the single largest marijuana seizure ever made by the Sheriff's Department. U.S. Border Patrol officials have reported seizures of marijuana from big rigs, especially on desert routes farther inland. But often the marijuana is mixed in with other items. In this truck, no such efforts to mask the pot were made. The federal Drug Enforcement Administration has assumed the investigation and federal drug charges are expected to be filed against the truck driver. Gutierrez referred questions about the driver to DEA officials who could not be reached for comment Wednesday night. Source
How do you solve the problem of cell phone users who send sexually explicit text messages? Well, if you’re the Chinese government, you just monitor everyone’s text messages and throw the sleazy sexters in jail for awhile. According to a recent report, people in the central Henan province who can’t control their erotic impulses and get caught may be fined or sent to jail for up to five days. And that’s for only one infraction—three or more messages could get you as many as 10 days in prison, plus the fine as well. Additionally, the northeastern Liaoning province announced earlier in the year that inappropriate messages could be considered sexual harassment. In other parts of China the solution wasn’t as simple as that. Apparently, party officials in Shenze county (in the Hebei province) sat down at 480 different meetings over a month’s time to discuss the pros and cons of sexting. Yes, that’s 480 meetings! And they didn’t even specify what the basic punishment would be, although serious textual offenders will have the dubious honor of seeing their names flashed all over the media. Or, to put it bluntly—“Go ahead and sext, but we’re gonna shame you to death, you pervert.” With over 600 million cell phone users in China, explicit text messages are becoming an increasing problem. It’s no fun to receive an obscene SMS, especially if you don’t know the person who sent it. “It’s uncomfortable to get dirty text messages from male friends and even more gross when they are from strangers,” said Zhang Kai, 26, who thinks the new rules are a good idea. Others, however, aren’t convinced. “There are so many text messages going on now,” said Wang Xiaoyang, a lawyer from Zhenzhou. “How can they be checked one by one? It takes considerable personnel and resources from the public security system.” Well, since China does monitor all internal communications, I’m sure the government will find a way to catch all the vulgar vagabonds. In the meantime, just play it smart if you’re in China—don’t send that sext message! Source
A popular confectionery is causing an uproar in Europe after a flood of complaints about its packaging. Claims have been made that the fruit figures that appear on Haribo MAOAM sour candies are engaging in sex acts. A father-of-two told The Daily Mail of his disgust after spotting the fruity cartoon characters. Simon Simpkins was buying Haribo MAOAM sour candies for his children when he noticed the "pornographic" illustrations of limes, lemons and cherries romping with each other. Mr Simpkins of West Yorkshire said: "The lemon and lime are locked in what appears to be a carnal encounter." "The lime, whom I assume to be the gentleman in this coupling, has a particularly lurid expression on his face," he said. He told said: "I demanded to see the shop manager and, during a heated exchange, my wife became quite distressed and had to sit down in the car park." A spokesman for Haribo said the "fun" packaging of the sweets was introduced in Germany in 2002 and added: "This jovial MAOAM man is very popular with fans, both young and old." Source
Article Submitted by flynn. Suffering periods that lasted up to 21 days and finding sex difficult, Lauren Williams knew that something was wrong. The 28-year-old from Chingford, Essex, was stunned to discover she had been born with a rare medical condition, which left her with two vaginas, two wombs and two cervixes. Following the shocking diagnosis, and after an operation to create one single vagina, Lauren is enjoying life more and is even able to laugh about her unique configuration. In her early twenties, Lauren could never have guessed the reason why she found some sexual positions uncomfortable. "I just presumed I must have a short vagina." It was only when she went for a smear test at 24 that she was alerted to the fact that she could have a medical problem. Lauren explains: "I'd had smear tests done before but they were all with nurses. This time I saw a doctor who said that something didn't look quite right down there and referred me to a gynecologist." By this time, Lauren also had concerns about her periods which were lasting 21 days. "I put it down to the fact that I'd been using a contraceptive implant for three years which had made my cycle go haywire." The gynecologist diagnosed Lauren with a bicornuate uterus, which meant that it had a septum down the middle giving it the shape of a heart. As this could have increased her chances of miscarriage in the future, she was booked in for an operation to fix it. After coming round from the anesthetic, a doctor came to tell her that she'd been misdiagnosed. "He arrived with a troop of other medics and sat on my bed," Lauren recalls. "He seemed quite excited and said that they'd got the prognosis wrong. I didn't have a bicornuate uterus after all. I actually had two of everything. Two uteruses, two cervixes and two vaginas. I was shocked. I'd never noticed that I had two vaginas and none of my previous boyfriends had either. Even the doctor said he'd never seen anything like it before." The surgeon removed the barrier between her two vaginas, leaving her with one big one. "The vagina I was using was half the size of a normal one." Following the operation Lauren had to keep packing her vagina with giant swabs to prevent a new barrier from forming. "I'd never really examined myself down there before," she says. "But it seemed strange to me how none of the doctors and nurses that I'd seen over the years had cottoned on to the problem." "I was worried that I'd been left with a huge vagina, but I felt uncomfortable about bringing it up with the doctors." It was two weeks before Lauren was able to have sex with her boyfriend of a year, Mike, 31. "He wasn't at all fazed by my medical revelation, but the first time we made love after the operation was a big deal for me. I felt like I was some sort of born again virgin. The sex was fine though and I no longer found certain positions uncomfortable." Lauren has now been able to lead a normal life. "Having two of everything doesn't bother me. I find it quite amusing and don't mind telling people about it." If she decides to have a family she will have to take extra precautions while pregnant. "The doctor told me that conceiving won't be a problem as the uterus with the baby inside will push the other one to one side. But I'll have to use condoms throughout the pregnancy to stop myself falling pregnant in my other womb. That's going to feel really weird." Lauren separated from Mike in March last year and has been single ever since. "My vagina looks completely normal so I've got no fears about getting into a new relationship. As a veterinary nurse I compare myself to a cat as they've got two uterine horns! I accept who I am and any boyfriend will have to too inside and out." Source lol not sure how "accurate" this news is - considering when I searched for a more appropriate source, The Sun kept popping up.
A spate of thefts at a German tourist attraction has sparked confusion – about the nature of the Lego animal part being targeted. The respected international news agency Reuters published a story on Tuesday reporting that the penis of a large giraffe model at Berlin's Legoland Discovery Center had been stolen four times. The 12in appendage, which is made out of around 15,000 bricks, had been repeatedly targeted by souvenir hunters since the statue was installed in 2007, it said. But a few hours later the news wire corrected the story to clarify that the part that had proved so attractive to thieves was actually the giraffe's tail. The Lego giraffe, in turns out, does not have a penis. The confusion may be connected to the double meaning of the German word "schwanz", which translates as both "tail" and a vulgar term for the male member. In both versions of the story a spokeswoman for the centre was quoted as saying that the body part costs £2,600 (€3,000) to replace. The Legoland Discovery Centre, on the city's Potsdamer Platz, features life-size models, rides and a tour of a Lego brick "factory". Source
