Upgrade your browser!
Skip to Content
Sign-In
Community
Exp Leader Board
Don't have an account? Create one and start earning XP!
Video:
A man and a friend are playing golf one day at their local golf course. One of the guys is about to chip onto the green when he sees a long funeral procession on the road next to the course. He stops in mid-swing, takes off his golf cap, closes his eyes, and bows down in prayer. His friend says: "Wow, that is the most thoughtful and touching thing I have ever seen. You truly are a kind man." The man then replies: "Yeah, well we were married 35 years."
Jim was 26 over par by the eighth hole, had landed a fleet of golf balls in the water hazard, and dug himself into a trench fighting his way out of the rough, when his caddy coughed during a 12-inch putt. Jim exploded. "You`ve got to be the worst caddy in the world!" he screamed. "I doubt it," replied the caddy. "That would be too much of a coincidence."
One lovely morning, Ben and Thomas were out golfing. Ben slices his ball deep into a wooded ravine. He grabs his 8-iron and proceeds down the embankment into the ravine in search of his ball. Ben searches diligently throught the thick underbrush and suddenly he spots something shiny. As he gets closer, he realizes that the shiny object is in fact an 8-iron in the hands of a skeleton lying near an old golf ball. Ben excitedly calls out to his golfing partner: "Hey Thomas, come here, I got big trouble down here." Thomas comes running over to the edge of the ravine and calls out: "What`s the matter Ben?" Ben shouts back in a nervous voice: "Throw me my 7-iron! Looks like you can`t get out of here with an 8-iron."
To celebrate their 50th anniversary, a husband booked a round of golf for his wife and himself on a trip to famous old St. Andrews' Golf Course in Scotland. On the third tee, the husband hesitated in teeing off and turned slowly to his wife and said contritely, "Darling, I have to confess something. Twenty years ago I had a brief affair. It meant nothing. I hope you can forgive me." His wife was hurt but said, "Dearest, those days are long gone. What we have now is far more valuable. I forgive you." They embraced and kissed. On the seventeenth tee, the husband was starting his back swing when the wife blurted out, "I'm sorry, darling, I've been so conscience-stricken since you told me, but since we're being honest with each other, I have something to tell you also. Fifty-two years ago I had a sex change operation; I was a man before I met you. I hope you can forgive me. The husband, froze at the top of his back swing, then threw a fit! He slammed the driver into the ground, kicked the ball into the woods, stormed off the tee, pushed the golf cart over on its side, broke the rest of his clubs one by one, then started on his wife's clubs. He screamed and ranted, "You liar...you cheat ... you despicable deceiver! How could you? I trusted you with all my heart and soul...and all these years you've been playing off the ladies' tees?!"
First golfer, Bill: "What was your score?" Bob: "Seventy-two." Bill: "That`s not too bad at all!" Bob: "Thanks! I hope I`ll do better on the second hole."
Cletus took Maynard to his first football game. They had great seats right behind their team`s Bench. After the game, Cletus asked Maynard how he liked the experience. "Oh, I really liked it," he replied, "but I just couldn`t understand why they were killing each other over 25 cents." Dumbfounded, Cletus asked, "What do you mean?" "Well, they flipped a coin, one team got it and then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was: `Get the quarter back! Get the quarter back!` I mean, come on... it`s only twenty-five cents!"
What's the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver? A bad golfer goes, "Whack, oops!" A bad skydiver goes "Oops, whack!"
In a class on abnormal psychology, the instructor was about to introduce the subject of manic depression. The instructor asked, "How would you diagnose a patient who walks back and forth, screaming at the top of his lungs one minute, then sits in a chair weeping uncontrollably the next?" A young man in the rear raised his hand and suggested earnestly, "A basketball coach?"
The huge college freshman decided to try out for the football team. "Can you tackle?" asked the coach. "Watch this," said the freshman, who proceeded to run smack into a telephone pole, shattering it to splinters. "Wow," said the coach. "I`m impressed. Can you run?" "Of course I can run," said the freshman. He was off like a shot, and, in just over nine seconds, he had run a hundred yard dash. "Great!" enthused the coach. "But can you pass a football?" The freshman hesitated for a few seconds. "Well, sir," he said, "If I can swallow it, I can probably pass it."
A man has been found floating in the Thames River, wearing a Chelsea football shirt, a suspender belt, fishnet stockings, a ball-gag, and a 12" black vibrator inserted into his anus. Although he has not yet been named or identified, Thames Valley Police have removed the shirt to save his family any embarrassment.
