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What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball? You can only fit 3 fingers in the ball.
A blonde woman goes into an electrical shop to buy a tv. She gets the attention of the sales assistant and says to him, `I want to buy that tv`. He tells her, `sorry we dont sell to blondes`. So she goes home and dyes her hair brunette. The next days she asks him again, and again he says, `sorry we don’t sell to blondes`. So she goes home and dyes her hair red this time. She goes back the next day and asks him again, and once again he says, `sorry we don’t sell to blondes`. A little confused now the blonde woman asks him `how do you know that I am blonde?` He turns to the woman and says `I know you’re blonde because that’s not a tv, its a microwave`
A blonde gets a job as a teacher. She notices a boy on the field stood by himself while all the other kids are running around having fun. She takes pity on him and decides to speak to him. "You ok?" she asks. "Yes." he says. "You can play with the other kids, you know." "It`s best I stay here," he retorts. "Why?" asks the blonde. The boy says "because I`m the fucking goalie".
An Irishman, a Mexican and a Blonde Guy were doing construction work on scaffolding on the 20th floor of a building.They were eating lunch and the Irishman said, "Corned beef and cabbage! If I get corned beef and cabbage one more time for lunch, I'm going to jump off this building." The Mexican opened his lunch box and exclaimed, Burritos again! If I get burritos one more time I'm going to jump off, too." The blond opened his lunch and said, Bologna again! If I get a bologna sandwich one more time, I'm jumping too." The next day, the Irishman opened his lunch box, saw corned beef and cabbage, and jumped to his death. The Mexican opened his lunch, saw a burrito, and jumped, too. The blonde guy opened his lunch, saw the bologna and jumped to his death as well.At the funeral, the Irishman's wife was weeping. She said, "If I'd known how really tired he was of corned beef and cabbage, I never would have given it to him again!" The Mexican's wife also wept and said, "I could have given him tacos or enchiladas! I didn't realize he hated burritos so much." Everyone turned and stared at the blonde's wife. The blonde's wife said,"Don't look at me. He makes his own lunch."
A blonde women started to work at a school as a teacher. It came to break time, and while she was on duty she noticed a girl standing on her own and thought nothing of it. Later in the day when lunch time came she noticed the same girl on her own again, while other children were enjoying a game of football. She decided to go over to the girl and asked her if she was alright, the girl replied "Yes" and the teacher said "Why are you always on your own here?" to which the girl replied "Because I'm the goalie!"
Once there were 3 people in an airplane, one took a bite out of an apple. She thought it was too sweet so she threw it out of the plane. The second person took a bite out of a lemon and she thought it was too sour so, she threw it out of the plane. Then the last person took a bite out of a grenade and he thought it was too crunchy so, he threw it out of the plane. Then they landed and decided to go for a walk. They first passed a little girl who was crying and they asked, "little girl, little girl, why are you crying?" and the little girl said, "an apple came down and killed my new kitty". Next they passed a little boy who was also crying. And they again asked, "little boy, little boy, why are you crying?" and the little boy said, "a lemon came down and killed my new puppy." Then they passed a blonde sitting on the side walk laughing her butt off. They asked, "Why are you laughing so hard?" and the blonde said, "I farted and the building behind me blew up!!"
Sally goes to work one morning crying her eyes out. Her boss, concerned his employee, walks over to her and asks sympathetically, "What's the matter?" The blonde replies, "Early this morning I got a phone call that my mother had passed away." The boss, feeling very sorry at this point suggests to the young girl, "Why don't you go home for the day...we aren't terribly busy. Just take the day off and go relax." Sally very calmly states, "No I'd be better off here. I need to keep my mind busy and I have the best chance of doing that here." The boss agrees and allows her to work as usual. "If you need anything just let me know" says the boss. A few hours pass and the boss decides to check on Sally. He looks out his office and sees her crying hysterically. He rushes over and asks, "What's the matter now? Are you going to be ok?" Sally breaks down in tears. "I just received a horrible call from my sister. She said that her mom died too!!"
A blonde was walking her dogs when a man walking in the opposite direction says "oh my, you have such beautiful dogs.. what are their names?" The blonde replies "Well, the taller one is Timex and the shorter one is Rolex." The man responds "Huh... that's interesting... Why did you name them such names?" The blonde sighs and shakes her head "Everyone keeps asking me the same thing... duhh, what else can you name your watch dogs??"
A blonde had just totaled her car in a horrific accident. Miraculously, she managed to pry herself from the wreckage without a scratch and was applying fresh lipstick when the state trooper arrived. "My God!" the trooper gasped. "Your car looks like an accordion that was stomped on by an elephant. Are you OK ma'am?" "Yes, officer, I'm just fine" the blonde chirped. "Well, how in the world did this happen?" the officer asked as he surveyed the wrecked car. "Officer, it was the strangest thing!" the blonde began. I was driving along this road when from out of nowhere this TREE pops up in front of me. So I swerved to the right, and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ANOTHER tree! I served to the right and there was another tree! I swerved to the left and there was ...." "Uh, ma'am", the officer said, cutting her off, "There isn't a tree on this road for 30 miles. That was your air freshener swinging back and forth."
There was three blondes at the University of Texas. The Dean gave them the job of measuring the height of the new flagpole. So they put the flag pole in the base and are then on ladders trying to measure the flagpole. Finally an architect walks by and sees they are having trouble so he takes the pole out of the ground and lays it down and pulls out his tape measure and measures the pole. He writes the measurement on a piece of paper and walks away. The blondes look at each other and say "Just like those damn architects give us length when we wanted height.