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Video:
paddy was driving down the street in a sweat because he
had an important meeting and couldn't find a parking place.
looking up to heaven he said, "lord take pity on me. if you find
me a parking place i will go to mass every sunday for the rest of me
life and give up me irish whiskey!"
miraculously, a parking place appeared.
paddy looked up again and said, "never mind, i found one."
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father murphy walks into a pub in donegal, and says to
the first man he meets, "do you want to go to heaven?"
the man said, "i do, father."
the priest said, "then stand over there against the wall."
then the priest asked the second man, "do you want to
go to heaven?"
"certainly, father," was the man's reply.
"then stand over there against the wall," said the priest.
then father murphy walked up to o'toole and said, "do
you want to go to heaven?"
o'toole said, "no, i don't father."
the priest said, "i don't believe this. you mean to
tell me that when you die you don't want to go to heaven?"
o'toole said, "oh, when i die, yes. i thought you
were getting a group together to go right now."
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gallagher opened the morning newspaper and was
dumbfounded to read in the obituary column that he had died. he
quickly phoned his best friend, finney.
"did you see the paper?" asked gallagher. "they say i died!!"
"yes, i saw it!" replied finney. "where are ye callin' from?"
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an irish priest is driving down to new york and gets
stopped for speeding in connecticut. the state trooper smells
alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on
the floor of the car.
he says, "sir, have you been drinking?"
"just water," says the priest.
the trooper says, "then why do i smell wine?"
the priest looks at the bottle and says, "good lord! he's done it again!"
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walking into the bar, mike said to charlie the
bartender, "pour me a stiff one - just had another fight with the
little woman."
"oh yeah?" said charlie, "and how did this one end?"
"when it was over," mike replied, "she came to me on
her hands and knees.
"really," said charles, "now that's a switch! what did she say?"
she said, "come out from under the bed, you little chicken."
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flynn staggered home very late after another evening
with his drinking buddy, paddy. he took off his shoes to avoid
waking his wife, mary.
he tiptoed as quietly as he could toward the stairs
leading to their upstairs bedroom, but misjudged the bottom step.
as he caught himself by grabbing the banister, his body swung around
and he landed heavily on his rump. a whiskey bottle in each back
pocket broke and made the landing especially painful.
managing not to yell, flynn sprung up, pulled down his
pants, and looked in the hall mirror to see that his butt cheeks
were cut and bleeding. he managed to quietly find a full box of
band-aids and began putting a band-aid as best he could on each
place he saw blood. he then hid the now almost empty band-aid box
and shuffled and stumbled his way to bed.
in the morning, flynn woke up with searing pain in both
his head and butt and mary staring at him from across the room.
she said, "you were drunk again last night weren't you?"
flynn said, "why you say such a mean thing?"
"well," mary said, "it could be the open front door, it
could be the broken glass at the bottom of the stairs, it could be
the drops of blood trailing through the house, it could be your
bloodshot eyes, but mostly.....it's all those band-aids stuck on the
hall mirror.
3.4187/5
1226
5
3/9/2007- by Elfie
