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Video:
clip from the film 'this is england'.
a clip from this spoof football (soccer) documentary (2001). in this scene mike gives a pep talk to the england team.
(this joke got the most laughs from people in england according to a scientific study on jokes.)
two weasels are sitting on a bar stool. one starts to insult the other one.
he screams, "i slept with your mother."
the bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do.
the first again yells, "i slept with your mother!"
the other says, "go home dad you're drunk."
michael james owen, born december 14, 1979, in chester, england. 2001 european footballer of the year, owen was trained in the liverpool youth acadamey and played with the epl team before moving to real madrid, and then onto his current club newcastle united.
frank james lampard, jr., born june 20, 1978, romford, england. lampard is the current captain of the two time consecutive winners of the epl, chelsea fc.
bit of backround info. because irelands rugby stadium (lansdowne road) is closed for refurbisment atm the irish rugby union needed a place to play their home games. there is only one other stadium in ireland capable of holding as much as and more people than landsdowne road could. croke park. the croke park stadium was used exclusivly for irish sports (hurling & gaelic football) for almost 100years. in 1920, in retalitaion for the ira killing several british military leaders, british auxillary forces drove tanks onto the pitch in the middle of a gaelic football match and shot indiscriminatly into the crowd killing 15 people. the next time the british would be on the field would be 87yrs later when the stadium was opened to rugby games. ireland v england.
faith-based deck.
narration by david attenborough. sort of.
clip from "outsourced"
a clip from this spoof football (soccer) documentary (2001). in this scene mike has a few words with pele.
dave chapelle new stand up.
margaret cho on the comparison of british news vs. american news. this is from her stand-up, "assassin."
here we see just how big the diffrence is between americans and the english.
i hope this is not a repost... and that the upload works :) just imagine life if good old adolf the hit hadn't killed himself...**warning 36mb**
this is a short video i put together in anticipation for the upcoming world cup. the ending is weak, but i only had a short period to do this.
mcglashan the uber-scot launches a vituperative attack on england.
on our trip to england we came accross this car. note also the interior. talk about mad cow disease...
steven george gerrard, born may 30, 1980, in whiston, england. gerrard is a product of the liverpool youth academy, where he spent nearly a decade before being moved into the first team, and now plays as captain; he became the second youngest captain to lift the champions league trophy in 2005.
sadly the world leaders in education and proper behaviour have now lost it themselves. this is the new and real england, kids out of control, rampant crime, high taxes, con men everywhere including the government. tourists get ripped off easily and the local population have now got to the stage that they hate foreigners so much that they don't even bother to hide their racist behaviour. i shot this video whilst on a holiday there recently - judge for yourselves what you think of them now.
haggis was invented by the english before being hijacked by scottish nationalists, according to a leading food historian. catherine brown has discovered references to the dish in a recipe book dated 1615, the english hus-wife by gervase markham. this was published at least 171 years before robert burns penned his poem address to a haggis, which made the delicacy famous, reports the daily telegraph. the first mention she could find of scottish haggis was in 1747, indicating that the dish originated south of the border and was later copied from english books. ms brown believes that scottish nationalists may have appropriated haggis as a symbol of their nationhood in the decades following the act of union with england in 1707. "it seems to be that there's an identity thing there. we'd lost our monarchy, we'd lost our parliament and we gained our haggis," she said. she said burns claimed the pudding as scottish with his poem in 1786 because it was a thrifty contrast to the elaborate and pretentious french cuisine popular in edinburgh at the time. james macsween, director of macsween's, the award-winning edinburgh haggis-maker, said that whatever its origin, the pudding would remain a scottish icon. he said: "this is certainly a revelation to me, but haggis is now renowned as scotland's dish largely due to robert burns, who made it famous. "that's not to say that prior to burns that haggis wasn't eaten in england, but scotland has done a better job of looking after it. i didn't hear shakespeare writing a poem about haggis." source, wth is haggis???
while on a state visit to england, george bush meets the queen and proclaims, “as i’m the president of america, i’m thinking of changing how my great country is referred to. it should be called a kingdom.” the queen replies, “i’m sorry, mr. bush, but to be a kingdom, you have to have a king in charge, and you’re not a king.” george bush thinks for a moment and then asks, “how about a principality then?” the queen replies, “again, to be a principality, you have to be a prince, and you’re not a prince, mr. bush.” bush thinks long and hard and comes up with another option. “how about an empire?” getting a little annoyed by now, the queen replies, “sorry again, mr. bush, but to be an empire you must have an emperor in charge, and you are not an emperor.” before bush could utter another word, the queen offers solace. “don’t worry, mr. bush, under your leadership, america is perfect as a country.”
george bush is visiting the queen of england. he asks her, "your majesty, how do you run such an efficient government? are there any tips you can give me?" "well," says the queen, "the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people."
bush frowns. "but how do i know the people around me are really intelligent?" the queen takes a sip of tea. "oh, that's easy. you just ask them to answer an intelligence riddle." the queen pushes a button on her intercom. "please send the prime minister in here, would you?" tony blair walks into the room. "your majesty..." the queen smiles. "answer me this, please, tony. your mother and father have a child. it is not your brother and it is not your sister.
who is it?" without pausing for a moment, blair answers, "that would be me!" "yes! very good!" says the queen. back at the white house, bush calls in his vice president, dick cheney. "dick, answer this for me. your mother and your father have a child. it's not your brother and it's not your sister. who is it?" "i'm not sure," says the vice president. "let me get back to you on that one."
dick cheney goes to his advisers and asks every one, but none can give him an answer. finally, he ends up in the men's room and recognizes colin powell's shoes in the next stall. dick shouts, "colin! can you answer this for me? your mother and father have a child and it's not your brother or your sister. who is it?" colin powell yells back, "that's easy. it's me!" dick cheney smiles. "thanks!" cheney goes back to the oval office and asks to speak with bush. "say, i did some research and i have the answer to that riddle. it's colin powell." bush gets up, stomps over to dick cheney, and angrily yells into his face, "no, you idiot! it's tony blair!"
classic clip from the day today episode 4. show where the alan patridge character first emerged
it must be true i saw it on the internet!
