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women, learn to work the toilet seat. you're a big girl. if it's up, put it down. we need it up, you need it down. you don't hear us complaining about you leaving it down. birthdays, valentines, and anniversaries are not considered by us to be opportunities to see if we can find the perfect present . . . . again! sometimes we are not thinking about you. live with it. sunday = sports. it's like the full moon or the changing of the tides. let it be. don't cut your hair. ever. long hair is always more attractive than short hair. one of the big reasons guys fear getting married is that married women always cut their hair, and by then you're stuck with her. ask for what you want. subtle hints do not work! strong hints do not work! obvious hints do not work! just say it! we don't remember dates. . . .period!! most guys own three pairs of shoes - tops. what makes you think we'd be any good at choosing which pair, out of thirty, would look good with your dress? yes and no are perfectly acceptable answers to almost every question. come to us with a problem only if you want help solving it. that's what we do. sympathy is what your girlfriends are for. a headache that lasts for 17 months is a problem. see a doctor. anything we said 6 months ago is inadmissible in an argument. in fact, all comments become null and void after 7 days. if you won't dress like the victoria's secret girls, don't expect us to act like soap opera guys. if you think you're fat, you probably are. don't ask us. we've been tricked before!! if something we said can be interpreted two ways, and one of the ways makes you sad or angry, we meant the other one. let us ogle. we are going to look anyway; it's genetic. you can either ask us to do something or tell us how you want it done. not both. if you already know best how to do it, just do it yourself. whenever possible, please say whatever you have to say during commercials. christopher columbus did not need directions, and neither do we. the relationship is never going to be like it was the first two months we were going out. get over it. and quit whining to your girlfriends. all men see in only 16 colors, like windows default settings. peach, for example, is a fruit, not a color. pumpkin is also a fruit. we have no idea what mauve is. if it itches, it will be scratched. we do that. we are not mind readers and we never will be. our lack of mind-reading ability is not proof of how little we care about you. if we ask what is wrong and you say "nothing," we will act like nothing's wrong. we know you are lying, but it is just not worth the hassle. if you ask a question you don't want an answer to, expect an answer you don't want to hear. don't ask us what we're thinking about unless you are prepared to discuss such topics as navel lint, the shotgun formation, or monster trucks. foreign films are best left to foreigners. (unless it's bruce lee or some war flick where it doesn't really matter what they're saying anyway.) beer is as exciting for us as handbags are for you. thank you for reading this; yes, i know, i have to sleep on the couch tonight, but did you know, it's like camping.
what did you think i meant?
clean and organized junk yard.
episode number 38 - mouse cleaning.
this week's clean picture gallery.
when i'm cleaning windows by george formby.
this week's edition of the "clean" picture gallery.
vancouver canucks new aquisition mika noronen cleans the glass for the goal judge after he makes a bad call.
let us know if you find any dirty pictures in this week's clean edition of the picture gallery.
this week's [almost clean] picture gallery. blame davywavybaby if the dirty gallery doesn't come.
this is how maids in hotels clean your toilet.
poor old woman has the most dangerous cleaning job ever.
this japanese dog loves getting vacuumed, but clearly does not like it when the nozzle comes off his master’s vacuum cleaner!
a thirsty vacuum cleaner goes to the fridge for a beer. little does he know that he’s about to be in a fight with a washing machine and a pool cleaner.
i can tell, seen before, know the way, i know the law, i can`t believe, can`t obey, can`t agree with all the thing i hear you say, oh no, ask me why, i can`t go on with all the filthy white lies, stay clean (x4) don`t you know, all the time, you got yours and you know that i got mine, grab a hold, don`t let go, don`t let them rob you of the only way you know, oh no, no-one else, got the right to make you sorry for yourself, stay clean (x4) alright so you see, the only proof, of what you are is in the way you hear the truth, don`t be scared, live to win, although they`re always gonna tell you it`s a sin, in the end, you`re on your own, and there is no-one that can stop you being alone, stay clean. (x4) it`s your only hope
john went to visit his 90 year old grandfather in a secluded, rural area of west virginia. after spending a great evening chatting the night away, john's grandfather prepared breakfast of bacon, eggs and toast. however, john noticed a film like substance on his plate, and questioned his grandfather asking, "are these plates clean?"
his grandfather replied, "they're as clean as cold water can get them. just you go ahead and finish your meal, sonny!"
later that afternoon, john was on his way to a nearby town and as he was leaving, his grandfather's dog started to growl, and wouldn't let him pass. john yelled and said, "grandfather, your dog won't let me get to my car".
the old man shouted ... "coldwater, go lay down!!!"
we will probably be doing 2 galleries per week from now on. this is the clean, non-sexual edition for this week.
microbes with a taste for toxic waste may hold the solution to cleaning up contaminated industrial sites and poisoned waterways across the globe, saving billions of dollars in cleanup bills, an australian scientist said.
microbes found in old waste sites in australia not only tolerate lethal soil and water cocktails created by waste petroleum and chlorine, but can break them down so they no longer threaten humans, the scientist said on friday.
full story
this time they start with a 20 degree incline and increase to 40 on their second try. the rags being rubbed on the loser's faces are putrid cleaning rags.
sadly, most of the heroic people involved in the clean-up died horrible deaths. note the helicopter pilot who crashes after succumbing to radiation.
i don't do windows because ... i love birds and don't want one to run into a clean window and get hurt. i don't wax floors because ... i am terrified a guest will slip and get hurt then i'll feel terrible ( plus they may sue me.) i don't mind the dust bunnies because ... they are very good company, i have named most of them, and they agree with everything i say. i don't disturb cobwebs because ... i want every creature to have a home of their own. i don't spring clean because ... i love all the seasons and don't want the others to get jealous. i don't pull weeds in the garden because ... i don't want to get in god's way, he is an excellent designer! i don't put things away because ... my husband will never be able to find them again. i don't do gourmet meals when i entertain because ... i don't want my guests to stress out over what to make when they invite me over for dinner. i don't iron because ... i choose to believe them when they say "permanent press". i don't stress much on anything because ... "a type" personalities die young and i want to stick around and become a wrinkled up crusty ol' woman!!!! remember: a clean house is the sign of a broken computer!!!
washington (ap) - gritty rats and mice living in sewers and farms seem to have healthier immune systems than their squeaky clean cousins that frolic in cushy antiseptic labs, two studies indicate. the lesson for humans: clean living may make us sick. the studies give more weight to a 17-year-old theory that the sanitized western world may be partly to blame for soaring rates of human allergy and asthma cases and some autoimmune diseases, such as type i diabetes and rheumatoid arthritis. the theory, called the hygiene hypothesis, figures that people's immune systems aren't being challenged by disease and dirt early in life, so the body's natural defences overreact to small irritants such as pollen. the new studies, one of which was published friday in the peer reviewed scandinavian journal of immunology, found significant differences in the immune systems between euthanized wild and lab rodents. when the immune cells in the wild rats are stimulated by researchers, "they just don't do anything they sit there; if you give them same stimulus to the lab rats, they go crazy," said study co-author dr. william parker, a duke university professor of experimental surgery. he compared lab rodents to more than 50 wild rats and mice captured and killed in cities and farms. also, the wild mice and rats had as much as four times higher levels of immunoglobulins, yet weren't sick, showing an immune system tuned to fight crucial germs, but not minor irritants, parker said. he said what happened in the lab rats is what likely occurs in humans: their immune systems have got it so cushy they overreact to smallest of problems. "your immune system is like the person who lives in the perfect house and has all the food they want, you're going to start worrying about the little things like someone stepping on your flowers," parker said. challenged immune systems - such as kids who grow up with two or more pets - don't tend to develop as many allergies, said dr. stanley goldstein, director of allergy & asthma care of long island. parker said his study has drawbacks because he can't be sure that the age of the wild and lab rodents are equivalent, although he estimates the ages based on weight. he also could not control what happened in the past to the wild rats to see if they had unusual diseases before being captured and killed. it would have been more useful had parker studied extremely young wild rodents because, according to the hygiene hypothesis, that's when the protection from dirty living starts, said dr. stuart levy, director of the center for adaptation genetics and drug resistance at tufts university. human epidemiological studies have long given credence to the hygiene theory, showing that allergy and asthma rates were higher in the cleaner industrialized areas than in places such as africa. parker's studies, looking at animal differences, may eventually help scientists find when, where and how environmental exposure help protect against future allergies and immune disorders, said goldstein, and dr. jeffrey platt of the mayo clinic in minn., both of whom were not part of parker's studies. parker said he hopes to build a 15-metre artificial sewer for his next step, so that he could introduce the clean lab rats to an artificial dirty environment and see how and when the immunity was activated. that may be the biggest thing to come out of the wild and lab rodent studies, platt said: "then all of a sudden it becomes possible to expose people to the few things (that exercise the immune system) and gives them the benefit of the dirty environment without having to expose them to the dirt.
